Conversation Most Moms Wish To Avoid ~ But Here It Is

My daughter 6 months today. I don't keep track of her age in weeks, so when I hear other mother's say "my so in so is 32 weeks!" well I couldn't tell ya immediately how old that is and I would probably just nod in feigned amazement. So, in celebration of Mirabelle's 6th month of existence I thought I would do a "new mommy" breakdown of choices I've made, and where I am physically and mentally after all the hubbub has settled now that I've gotten the half-year old notch on the belt!

Background

I'm vegetarian and during my pregnancy I continued to adhere to my normal diet (with an addition of prenatal vitamins). My doctors were super supportive and because I didn't gain much weight throughout (a total of 25.6 lbs) they never questioned my exercise routine, and actually encouraged it well into my 8th month. The birth of my daughter was without complication, and she emerged vaginally at a whopping 8 lbs 10 ounces, much to the midwife's surprise. For anyone who had seen me in person at 39 weeks, I have a naturally small frame and my belly didn't extend much farther - so yea, almost 9 pounds of baby created the question "how did she even fit in there??" well, at least for me and my limited knowledge of the human anatomy haha

Bebe Choices Along the Way

Birth
I knew I wasn't going to breast feed long before I decided to have a child with my husband. I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding that decision, and I'm well aware of the research performed and released on both sides (bottle and breast) because, well, I read tons of material on this subject. My mother didn't breast feed my twin sister and I, nor did she breast feed our younger brother. We turned out strong, healthy, and from what I can tell, no issues with our mental capacity (though there are times I question how my brother can like plain Cheerios, but I guess I can't blame that on the formula...). While my mom didn't do much research regarding varying brands and types of formula, I did. I chose Baby's Only because it is the only organic formula out there without corn syrup form of sweetener and no palm oil! There are other benefits to using this brand above, say, Earth's Best, but I'll leave that for you to research ;>

So! Mirabelle started on the bottle with little complications, and actually started sleeping through the night around one month (perhaps one middle of the night feeding here and there until 2 months). She has hit all of her developmental milestones thus far. She is not under or over weight, and her growth chart is right on track. Our pediatrician was known (by a friend of mine) to push breast feeding fairly hard, but for some reason they didn't blink an eye at the choice my husband and I made. Perhaps it was because her first visit showed a strong, healthy baby? Or perhaps my conviction was apparent. Who knows.

At 6 months this little bean still enjoys her bottle, but has taken strongly to eating all sorts of organic fruit and vegetable purees! While August is National Breast Feeding month, and I've had the pleasure of reading and hearing all sorts of benefits to breastfeeding (which is great!), I will never regret the choice my husband and I made because it gave us the opportunity to share in her feeding and growing from the very first night - he and I would both get up and sit together as one of us fed her. We agreed that if we had to lose sleep that both of us would lose sleep together! And honestly, every father should experience the joy of a 3am feeding ;>

Routine 

Establishing a routine has been very important for us and the baby. It allows us the freedom to plan activities around her eating, napping, bedtime, etc. Seems simple, right? Sure, it is, if you stick to it! We know that when 7pm comes along it's time to start wrapping up whatever we are doing and get the baby fed and ready for bed, so that by 7:30 she is in the crib and comfy with her human heart "music" playing. Her feeding schedule isn't exact, but I make sure to watch for cues so that I know she's starting to get hungry, and prior to full on mental breakdown mode! Knowing your baby is important because everyone does it differently, so Rick and I decided in the end to do it our way ;>

The Physical Me

I'm hard on myself, and that's putting it lightly. I've struggled with weight on and off since high school. Up and down, up and down. I'm a little over 5'2 and my metabolism isn't the most speedy of bodily functions, so food and I have a bit of a love/hate relationship. I haven't eaten pizza in at least 10 years, I don't touch fried food, I never eat a burger, and I tend to avoid all forms of high-fat dairy. Yet I struggle to keep it all under control. My goal weight is between 105-110 lbs, and I almost reached that the summer of 2013 before I decided to have my little bambino. It's hard to put into words the frustration of exercising 4-5 days a week climbing stadium bleachers, running miles, and sprinting across soccer fields and not seeing the results I want.
That's where I need to step back and realize that I have achieved those results, I fit into my pre-pregnancy clothing, I'm toning, I eat healthy, I'm physically strong, I have ZERO stretch marks (not saying that's good or bad, I just know I could not mentally handle them, and why? oh because I'm weak when it comes to trying to obtain self-perfection), and my husband tells me every day just how beautiful I am...and just how horrible I am on myself. That's the saddest part of all this: my husband watching me drive my physical self-worth into the ground. I keep looking forward toward the end of the tunnel, that little light that when I reach it I will see what everyone else sees, that I will feel comfortable within my skin. I tell myself that it's when I'm 105 I will feel great and wonderful and beautiful, but I'm beginning to realize that my perception is skewed and that I need to change that FIRST before I focus on the physical aspects. *sigh*

The Mental Me

Oh boy! Hormones a-crazy! haha. Seriously though, babies sure do know how to take a lady's hormones and kick them into next Tuesday. I'm a little dark cloud on most days. I just float from day to day looking for a peak at the sunshine, a glimmer of light that will bring me out of my most moody of times. It happens daily, whether it's something the husband does, or my step-daughter, or especially Mirabelle, but I experience these happy moments through them that just make everything better and hopeful again. It's been a daily struggle for most of my 20s and now into my 30s, but after having a child everything seems to go a bit haywire for a while. Life, right??

In the end, I always remind myself how fortunate I am (cliche, I know). And I continually strive to accomplish something every day no matter how small! The moment I give up will be when I settle for that simplified, static idea of the "American Dream", you know, owning that boring old home in some dreary town in the middle of nowhere. When you settle for picking out curtains instead of looking for the next adventure (and don't get me wrong, I love me some curtains!). It's just when you center your evening around a television show and your weekends consist of shopping for this or that. BLEH! So, depressing right? I just know my husband and I have so much we want to teach and show our daughter, that it would be downright silly to gravitate toward that white picket fence existence. There's more to life than that fellow humans, and yea, I totally need to remind myself of this daily <3