The Benefits of Sisters

Growing up with a twin sister is normal. Having a sibling the same age was never anything out of the ordinary, and good or bad, it was something I didn't delve on unless the lack of age gap was brought to my attention. Questions like, "Wasn't it great having a built in best friend?" Well, yes, I guess so. But I don't know the difference so I can't compare. "Didn't you hate having to share everything and always being compared to the other?" No, the sharing was fine, and the comparisons, while they bothered my mother, allowed Kira and I to fine tune our competitive natures and always strive to be on par or better than the other. Was this the best mentality to have? Who knows, once again I have nothing else to compare it to. We have a younger brother (by 6 years), so there wasn't much of a sibling attachment, nor was the age gap large enough to elicit any "motherly instincts" toward him. Poor Shane.

Enter my current nuclear family. I have a step-daughter who is 16 and a biological daughter who is 4 months. Asa (step-daughter) and Mirabelle have an age gap larger than the one shared with Asa and myself. This is where it gets interesting. Due to my age, and being very open toward Asa, we have a relationship akin to sisters rather than mother/daughter. She comes to me for advice, but also engages me in conversations that perhaps she would prefer not to approach her biological parents with. At times, our relationship is difficult, because I do need to step in as "the mother" because Asa lives with her father and I full-time, and she's still a kid, and kids need to have structure (blah blah blah), but it's a tough juxtaposition between friend-mom and step-mom. Even though I feel like I really muddle through my relationship with her at times, her perspective is completely different. My husband sees a young lady who loves and strives to do well in the eyes of their step-mom, while I see a step-mom continually struggling to keep the relationship balanced.

Jump to the relationship between Asa and Mirabelle. It is one that shows its benefits more and more each day! I have little patience for the antics of children, especially sibling arguing and any form of disrespectful behavior. Because of their vast age difference, Asa has taken on the role of "protective, supportive, and proud big sister." Mirabelle doesn't know it yet, but Asa is her biggest fan. Asa is an emotional little lady (something I can really learn a thing or two about), but the way she speaks about Mirabelle, she's admitted to not quite speaking the same way toward anyone else. Including her father! A few things Asa has exclaimed in the past few days: "I just can't take her face! Why is it so cute??" "She is a Gerber baby!" "I show all of my friends her picture!" "I'm going to teach her how to play the organ, bass, and how to sing" "I want to give her kisses everyday" "Mirabelle, I love you"

All of these things make me extremely happy. With siblings that are close in age, you have love, but it cannot be expressed the same way. Asa has had time to grow and understand what it is to truly care for and love another person unconditionally. She is able to verbalize her feelings and to understand what she is saying, and how much it means to those around her when she speaks the way she does. Mirabelle will grow to look up to her big sister in a way that most siblings who are close in age cannot fathom. While their relationship may wane a bit while Asa is in college, I am certain that Mirabelle has many years with her big sister to look forward to.

Finally, the look on Mirabelle's face when Asa enters her line of vision is one of complete wonder and the need to be close to this loving, redheaded girl.